How are you feeling?

Hi Everyone!
 
It's been a bit since my last entry. As with so many things in my life, I really wanted to spend the time to write some great blog post that would inspire everyone, but in the end I just didn't make the time to do it. So, no post for many months.
 
Luckily for me, though, I have fantastic friends like Betsy, who doesn't take any of my crap and simply states: "Write a post, Steve. Just write it!"
 
So, here's my post!  :-)
 
My weight loss has continued, but at a much reduced rate. I lost about 180lbs in 8 months, then over the next 8 months I lost another 40, which brings me to my current weight loss total of 220lbs. That sounds like alot of weight; and believe me, it is; but since I'm being perfectly honest here, I need to let you know that for a long time I felt as if I somehow cheated the "weight loss" system.
 
Maybe some background will help explain my thoughts.
 
I've watched so many people in my life struggle for years just to lose 10 or 15 lbs. They work out, go on these insanely restrictive diets, exercise some more, but in the end, are unable to take off the pounds. Then I look at myself, and I feel like I've done so little work in order to enjoy the benefits of dropping almost a 1/2 my body weight in fat. The guilt has been pretty strong - and it made me really uncomfortable talking about my weight loss, because I had a constant fear that people would view my surgery as a cop-out, as a cheat, and would judge me as someone that really hadn't accomplished anything - "He just let the doctors make it easy for him."
 
This bothered me for a long time, until I talked it through with a few friends, and I came to realize that what I gave up in order to get this accelerated weight loss is gone forever. It's not a diet, or a quick-fix exercise program. It's a permanent restriction on what I can eat and how much. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life... EVER!
 
If you read some of my early blog posts, it's clear I was in mourning shortly after surgery; I was mouring the loss of my friend "food." It's been a very slow emotional process to come to grips with this loss, and to some extent I still struggle with it each day.
 
A great example of this is when I get stressed.
 
In the time before my surgery if I got stressed at work, or something going on at home, I would easily calm myself down with food. It wasn't any particular food, but something high in calories and fat would do the job the best. A burger, fries, and an extra-large vanilla shake would do the trick every time!
 
But now, after surgery, when I find myself stressed, I can't reach for a candy bar, or a big cheese burger, which of course causes me even more stress to realize I can't comfort myself that way ever again! That' why I am 100% certain that without the surgery, I would easily and quickly revert to my old ways and gain the weight right back.
 
Knowing this makes the loss a bit easier to cope.
 
In a way, the surgery has forced my hand. I had to figure out how to deal with that stress on my own, without that soothing drug called food.
 
So no matter how small of an effort this surgery seems to some folks, I'm here to say: "It's really hard to not be able to eat whatever, whenever, and how ever much I want, ever again my life."
 
In other news (nice transition, eh?) I have picked up a new hobby. I've always been a fan of the industrial age, and of a simpler time when steam-power ruled. In fact, it has been the inspiration for an entire genre which emerged back in the late 50's, starting with the TV series "Flash Gordon", called "Steampunk."
 
I started by transforming Alex's old Nerf Pistol into a steampunk revolver. I sold it on eBay to a guy that dresses in steampunk-style clothes, and needed this gun to complete his look for the next Steampunk convention he was attending.
 
Merging that into my love of lighting and electricity, my most recent creation was a steampunk lamp. The reception of eBay was surprisingly good for my first attempt. I already have lots of great ideas for the next one, which I'll be working on during my Christmas vacation.
 
Steampunk Creations:  https://plus.google.com/photos/116060370254255246168/albums/5928810483019622001?authkey=CMW_4_jK5-qjcg
 
I hope you've enjoyed reading this. Have a great holiday and a wonderful new year!!
 
Thanks to each of you for your help, support, and patience!!
 
-Steve
 
Weight Loss Update:
Surgery Date: 6/4/2012
Mpnths Since Surgery: 17
Weight Lost: 220lbs
That's like carrying around a very well fed, good sized adult, wrapped around your waist and chest, all day, every day.