Hi everyone! It's been a busy couple months since I last wrote. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. A real whirlwind time of the year, as you all know!
It was a season of firsts for me: First time I was able to walk the entire Halloween route with the kids and not be winded (or even sweat) once. The first time I was able to eat 6oz of food in one sitting... and ironically that meal was Thanksgiving dinner. And it was the first Christmas in a LOOooooong time that I received clothes that were actually the right size or even slightly big.
I've been struggling with the extreme disconnect between my mental self image and the image other see of me. In my mind, I am still the 400+ lb Steve I've known for the past 10+ years, struggling to lean over to get things, winded when taking a flight of steps, and too big to wear normal clothing. While logically I can read the scale and see that I've lost alot of weight, and I can physically see myself in a mirror and see that my body size has shrunk, my brain hasn't caught up.
Old behaviors, or rather coping mechanisms, I needed when I was so overweight are still with me, even though I don't need them anymore. For example, when I need to pick something up, I lean on something (counter top, table, chair, another person) to bend over and get it, because when I had all that weight on me, it was hard to keep my balance and even harder to get back up. But now, holding onto something actually restricts my movements and I'm not able to reach things unless I remember that I don't need to do that, and instead just lean down normally, in which case I can easily reach the floor and pick up whatever it is that I needed.
In reading other blogs and talking to other people who have had similar levels of weight loss, I've learned that it will take quite a while for my brain to catch up with my body; perhaps years to completely catch up. In the mean time, I'll continue to try to remember that I'm not as big as I once was, and use that to help me through those rare occasions when I question my decision to go this route. That's an issue I don't think will ever go away completely, but it is at least on the decline.
Another strange thing has happened in the last two months: I'm cold! All the time!! I don't mean "chilly" or "slightly chilled"... I'm actually REALLY COLD! This is a new experience for me in my life. I have always been warm, even in the dead of winter, I wear shorts and t-shirts to keep myself from overheating. 72deg was a sauna in my mind. But now that I've lost that layer of fat insulation so rapidly, my body can't regulate it's own temperature anymore.
It's gotten so bad that while sitting in my home office I'll sometimes wear two t-shirts, a sweatshirt, with a jacket on top, and a hat! I have to sit on my hands to keep them warm enough that I can type. There are plenty of you reading this right now laughing yourself silly! Go ahead, enjoy it while you can. My brain and body will get reconnected some day and I'll go back to my normal hot-Steve. :-)
I'm in California this week. It's been a few months since my last visit to my employer (http://www.wonderware.com), so it is nice to be back in the land of sun and fun. Unfortunately, they are having a cold spell. At least I don't feel bad about being cold in Southern CA. hehe.
On a final note, I have continued my exercise since September. It's been hard, mainly because I hate exercise, even after losing weight. It's just the thought of expending all that energy without any immediate results; I mean, honestly, if I'm going to work up a sweat doing something, I want significant change - like a new garden at the end of the day, or a pile of wood split, or a room painted. Having a pile of sweat-soaked clothes at the end of the workout is not what I would call rewarding. But, then again, let's be honest here: That's the attitude that got me to where I was in June. So, let's not lend too much credit to that mindset, ok?
That's it for me today. Lots of new stuff to explore, and luckily lots of old friends keeping me on the straight and narrow with this weight loss thing.
Thanks to each of you for your help, support, and patience!!
Weight Loss Update:
Surgery Date: 6/4/2012
Days Since Surgery: 225
Weight Lost: 172lbs
That's like carrying around a good sized adult, wrapped around your waist and chest, all day, every day.
